i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
