ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
