how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My balls are so social today.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
