i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
