There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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