you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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