OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
