somebody snuck up and got me drunk
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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