So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
