dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
