You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
