I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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