That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
