I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
