I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
