Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
