I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
