Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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