my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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