His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
