Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
