Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
