What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
