Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
