Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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