it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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