Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
