i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize