She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
