If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
