Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
