eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
And then he peed in my hair
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