i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
