Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
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12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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