Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm always down for nudity.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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