How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
