So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
