also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
