just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
