I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
