You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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