Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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