I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
