I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
