3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
