You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We need to get me chipped asap
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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