i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
