This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
