Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize