you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
