I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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