u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
