16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
