i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
