You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
