when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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