smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
