Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
