I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
