Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
