I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
