Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
