if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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