The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
