Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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