I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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