I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
