I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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