When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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