Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
love makes seman taste better
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
