I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
