like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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