I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Randomize
