I just made out with a guy for $7.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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