I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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