I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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