apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
