My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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