one word: firstdatebathroomanal
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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